EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
