lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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