I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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