Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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