Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
