i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?