i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
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You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
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attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.