She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
21 Horny People Confess Their Boldest Sexual Advances
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
29 Shocking Confessions That People Thought Were A Joke
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time