my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night