He went soft
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
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If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
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also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood