Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
