he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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