I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
