the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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