I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
