i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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