Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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