I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
