Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
