you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
