and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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