I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
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I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
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I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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