you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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