if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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