Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
