This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
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Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
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I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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