I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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