Got a toothbrush?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
