Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
