Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
