Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
