he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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