don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You dont lie about slip and slides
I just blew my weed a kiss
I just had sex on a roof
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
