i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Just pee around me
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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