he was CRYING into my vagina
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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