i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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