I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
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You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
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DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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