i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
