he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
