yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize