how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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