i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
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