The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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