just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Randomize
