she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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