Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.