I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.