I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
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Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
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Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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