I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
