I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
