i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
