Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I am available for nakedness
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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