Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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