we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
