and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
