i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Randomize
