If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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