i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
