where am i from again
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
