my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
