I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
