so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize