I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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