There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
