sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
