Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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